Because we have to be. The world just may fall apart were it not for the little lies that moms have to tell. Sure, the baby may have thrown up three times instead of the one you copped to. How long is he sleeping at night? Suddenly, that 75 minutes turns into a few minutes shy of three hours. Depends on what you define as "night". I go to bed at 1 am, so yes, Baby D is totally sleeping through my type of night. Wow, you breastfed for the entire first year? When you're attached to a pump, 9 and a half months is a year.
Ok, so those aren't the big ones. Moms lie because it tends to make everything better. When a Mom wakes up four times a night, we report two of those times, max. Dads can return to work guilt-free knowing that Mom took the day off for the sick baby because there wasn't much going on at her own job. Even as the files pile up on her desk. As we wince at the sight of the vaccine-containing needle, we tell the baby that it'll only pinch when we KNOW that this is scary and will hurt like hell. Cooking dinner (including julienning carrots with speed that would make Tom Colicchio jealous) one-handedly while cradling a toddler with an iron grip? No problem, we've got this. Moms will even tell you that raising a child or two or three is really not as exhausting as it looks. But it is. It HAS to be.
Here's to you, Moms. Keep telling those sweet little lies. We're there with you and we forgive you.
What Mom lies have you told?